That totally makes me co-dependent and you my enabler if I have you do that.No it doesn't! (I allow Jen to rationalize, because I really want to have her do it) It's not co-dependent because ..............(lots more talking, and eventually I find myself rationalizing too.)
So.....I let Jen "break up" with Miss Mary for me. Jen was actually excited to do the job, and after her performance as "bad cop" on Wednesdays inspection I'm not surprised. She is truly gifted.
After a couple of follow up emails from me to finish the break-up job (you knew Mary wouldn't be that easy to shake) I found myself relieved to be moving on from her, and re-grouping for the long work weekend ahead. In the minutes of calm I began a batch of yogurt. (something I think I will be doing for some time)
Mid- milk scalding I got an email from Miss Mary with all sorts of "what ifs" regarding the orange kitchen house.
"But wait!! If you order now we'll throw in not one but TWO ginsu knives, the hands free juicer, 5 mini cheese ballers, and the no twist twist tie... all at no extra cost!"
I don't have time or energy to explain it all, but at the moment the Orange kitchen house is back on the table, and Mary and I are once again a dis-functional couple. I should know if I'm committed to buy it by Tuesday. (like Fanny in Mansfield Park- I have no talent for certainty.)
I'm disappointed in myself.
Not because I'm clearly co-dependent, but because it appears that when I'm NOT going to get something... only then do I want it. And the minute something might be mine, I immediately find fault and think something else might have been better.
One thing doesn't seem to change. My fear of making the "wrong decision". (and of course the sheer money investment)
I was going to use that whole roller coaster analogy for the last week, but it isn't quite right for this particular situation. I've felt fear, hope, despair, frustration, but there are no distinct euphoric highs to counter balance the lows.
A better analogy might be driving a curvy road where I keep smacking rocks around every blind corner. You'd think I would figure to slow down on the corners.
3 comments:
I've been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say this for what it's worth. The day we signed on our first house I went home sick to my stomach. What if I couldn't afford it? Where we being stupid? So many questions. It also had things that needed fixed and I was sure we would never have the money to do any of it. I was wrong. Things work out. I don't know how most of the time, but they do and usually better than you think they will. Love you and good luck.
I, too, became ill with the signing of papers on our first home...it's just plain scary...hang in there
The curved road fits the scene better I think. With the roller coaster you at least get a little thrill once in awhile. With the fast curves you get the clinched fists, sick feeling and fear of death or worse???
This has been quite the ordeal for you and doesn't appear to be ending. I'm glad you have Jen there to stand by you. Wishing you all the best "whatever" that may be.
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