But, some things my friend Brenda said in a call today struck a nerve. Brenda and her family have had years of extreme stress and struggle as they navigate severe medical complications with her husbands health. In short it is a daily miracle he lives.
Today's call was yet another report of emergency trips to specialists in SLC and painful and difficult procedures. Projecting on what this must feel like for her I suggested she must be so angry and frustrated at their fate sometimes. She responded no, "I just don't have the energy for anger". Instead she said that through the years of this they have found it best to reflect on unexpected blessings from each situation. My favorite term she used was that she had become very good at "floating". Not fighting what was coming her way, but allowing it to wash over, or under her, always pointing her feet downstream and grateful for everyday she has.
I know I know.... we ALL know we should look for blessings, be thankful for them. This is not a new idea. It IS, however, a very difficult principal to apply. The fact that my friends can, and do in their current situation, is quite humbling to me.
I will never think my life is more blessed without mom. This I know. AND...., it is very difficult for me to acknowledge blessings that have come since her passing, because somehow it seems like I'm saying it is good she is gone. It is not. It never will be.
But, in order to survive in something other than pain and self absorbed wallowing I need to recognize and acknowledge the good that has come in SPITE of the pain. (I'd rather say "in spite of", than "because of". Yes, it's just semantics, but it makes me more comfortable)SO....The biggest and most obvious blessing is the love and support I've received from family and friends. Calls, cards, hugs, emails, voicemails (and in Roberta's case, a month of living with me) have all been invaluable support. I count on establishing and keeping closer relationships. To thrive I'll have to.
Roberta rode down with me to Tucson, then stayed her for several weeks cooking, cleaning, sewing and in general spoiling me for being on my own. She has always been there when I needed help and I am very grateful for her strong will and generous heart. On the drive down we planned a stop to the North rim of the Grand Canyon (something I've wanted to do for years). It was really beautiful and a nice distraction from the impending return to Tucson. While Bert was here we only did a few "fun" things. Thrift shopping, dinner with some good friends, a night at a pool with a beautiful view of the city lights, some good Netfix picks...but as she said, she wasn't here for a tour. She flew home yesterday and I am blessed and grateful for her time here. I know her family sacrificed so that she could be with me and I am grateful to them as well. Now, although I don't want to, I'm trying to point my feet downstream.
6 comments:
I absolutely love those pictures. Once again, talent, that skipped me, oh well.
I love that idea of letting float over, or under you. I think that would help me not get so bent out of shape about things that in the long run are not that important.
Love you!
Brenda is a wise woman. It's a bit like what we talked about last night--the being happy in the moment. Not waiting for the golden ticket. It's the serenity prayer. All those things we know we should practice but are hard to do. Love the pictures! Looking forward to seeing you in November!
Your pictures are amazing and as always your posts have helped me have perspective! I'm glad mom could help out, I don't think of a better place she could have been than down there with you! Love you!
You are by far too hard on yourself. It's hard to put things into words and yet you do it wonderfully.
The photos are lovely...glad you got to spend some time there with Bert.
Floating sounds every so much better than "keeping your head above water"...that expression makes me hyperventilate just thinking about going under.
love you!
Those pitures are stunning!!! The colors and shapes are beautiful.
It is hard to do the things we know we should and apply them at times. I had someone ask me this question once when I was going through a hard time: Would you expect anything more from someone else? I had to answer "No...I would expect their pain and try to be kind, gentle, and understanding". Sometimes we have to be our own friend...be kind and gentle with yourself...another hard thing to apply at times :)
Enough said....sending lots of love your way...you're a beautiful person and we think the world of you!
Just thinking of you....
Post a Comment